I often times think back about the greatest highlights of the happiest, most childlike moments with my friends. It brings so much peace in moments of my present self. I think of the times I stood naked in the sight of a room of girlfriends and not feeling awkward, judged or uncomfortable. I think of times when I was loud and obnoxious and didn't have to feel as though I should not have done that. I think of the times when I'd just meet a new friend and it would have felt like perfection or when it felt like holding their hand and skipping down the avenue. Such bliss.
Then I think about the changes. The doubts. Bitterness. Fights. Distrust. Disgust. Hypocrisy and wondered when did all of this appear. When did it all change?
I think blissfulness and all its antonyms are parallel. You know what they say, "ignorance is bliss." Just as how we could be ignorant in bliss, it's that exact same way we could be ignorant in the opposite. Ignorant in anguish, brokenheartedness, depression, misery. I always say it; "there's just no way to live in a fallen world and not experience pain." Sometimes I wonder if I stopped getting undressed in front of my friends because of smart phones and media sharing instead of believing I actually am ashamed to do it again.
Friends and people are often times for seasons. I guess that's why friendshios seems to be more effective in the tropics, because there's only one season there. I miss the tropics.
I always find it reassuring to remind myself of the initial reason for me favouring a friend. I always bring myself back to the best moments and I find that holding on to that always allows me overshadow doubt with complete joy. "For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning."
